is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
