High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
