Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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