I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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