Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize