are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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