He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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