just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
