And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize