I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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