my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
