The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
