I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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