The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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