What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
