I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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