girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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