Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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