Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
