i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize