I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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