Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
