How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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