I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
