Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize