I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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