I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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