I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
