I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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