Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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