I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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