when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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