Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
