knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
