i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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