She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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