Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
