Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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