He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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