you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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