About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
