You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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