I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
