he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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