U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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