yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
