that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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