I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
