The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will be naked everywhere
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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