I wish life had little blips of pornography
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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