Midget sex pt 2 tonight
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
