I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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