Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
