I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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