Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
