i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
