God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
