Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
