Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
