i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
